STRAIGHT TALKIN WITH JTARI: My Silly Adventures With *CENSORED*
That’s right. I was gone for two weeks to a camp where I was surrounded by 36 Japanese teenage girls. The sad thing is about 99.9% of you “Otaku” would have killed to be in my position. HAHA.
In this article the Japanese teenage girls live up to all of your stereotypes!
Back when I was in 8th grade, I had an assistant teacher that was Japanese. She soon found out by my then awkward assortment of anime paraphernalia that I had at least some interest in Japan. By the end of the year she gave me a scholarship to *name withheld* camp. A camp that brought two cultures together; Japanese and American teenage girls living together to exchange culture.
So far this past summer was my fourth year going, so I think I can rightfully say that I know a little bit more than the average “zomg anime otaku daaah” nerd about what Japanese people are really like.
Because we all know that Japs are a rare species of human…. WITH SLANTED EYES (!!!).
Anyways, to say the least, I do have some awesome stories to embark on you all, which I will easily break down for your reading pleasure.
This year I happened to have a 14-year-old roommate, and possibly the most awesome roommate ever. As soon as she moved in she asked me, “Do you like Naruto?” and of course (and sadly enough) I am a fan of Naruto. I was tempted to show her a ton of my Naruto doujinshi that I bought at Otakon, but my common sense kicked in and suddenly the idea of showing man on man sex to a 14-year-old girl didn’t seem so great.
About 2 minutes later, she brings out these books that had been covered in some sort of paper with the school seal on it. I thought they were textbooks but I was horribly wrong…
Porn…3 books of it. Two Naruto doujinshi, and one called “No Money” which was about a business man who picks up some homeless kid on the street and repeatly rapes him, with sexy results.
This porn was even more hardcore than any of mine that I got at Otakon, and a lot thicker too. My favorite Naruto one involved Kakashi raping Iruka several times, one of which probably had the most detailed anal sex picture I have ever seen. Kakashi even forces the bitch to blow him off in the shower several times.
Even more alarming than the Naruto ones, the “No Money” seemed to be a lot worse. Of course for the aforementioned “guy picks up poor kid and rapes him” part, but also for the fact that she was 14 and took some sort of enjoyment out of it. Japanese people sure do like rape.
One of the several rape scenes involved the businessman fingering the little boy’s asshole, and then licking the excess “sauce” off his hands after. While reading it I said something like “hahaha oh Jesus fingers”, to which she replied “HAHAHA FINGERS HAHAHAHA!”
It was an odd night. Also turned out she had the matching pastel blue Gameboy Advance SP (I have the pastel pink one), and a copy of one of the Naruto games. Gotta give her props.
One night while I was painting my nails, I was greeted by about 5 girls busting into my room screaming “HALLO JESHKA-SAN”. They came bearing reading material, and several questions.
One of the first things they asked me off the bat, “DO YOU LIKE PENIS?”. I wasn’t really sure how to reply, so I kind of responded like “Sure, its good stuff”. Then they quickly went to their electronic dictionaries and looked up “average” and asked me “WAS IT *points to the word "average" on dictionary*?” I replied something like “I guess so.” Then they went on to ask, “WHEN DO YOU FIRST PLAY SEX? WHO WAS YOUR FIRST PLAYER?”. Which brings me to an important bit, almost all of the Japanese girls called the act of sex as “playing” which generally shows the often naïve and sugar coated nature that most of them have around serious topics.
Another thing is that the reading material they had was (if I remember correctly) called “The Hug and Kiss Book”, basically their mini version of Cosmo. They pointed me to a pie graph which showed the average age of losing virginity in Japan to be 14. Yes, 14 fucking years old. Which kind of is scary, considering how naive most of them are.
Then they translated some of the “Embarrassing Letters” section for me, one of which was some chick who was asking if “having one boob larger than the other” is normal. It was pretty funny.
First off, “Yaranaika?” means, “Shall we do it?”.
I made the mistake of telling this to a bunch of 14-year-old American girls when they were asking for dirty or curse words to say. It was pretty funny.
The one thing I feel bad about mentioning is the word “Bukkake”, which I’m sure many of you know what it means already, if not just Google it. In about a spilt second one of the American girls yelled it and the riot started. The Japanese girls had no idea what it meant, and thus started screaming “BUKKAKE!!!” down the hallway. Then a group tracked me and a friend who was visiting down and asked us what it meant. It was kind of bad. I think we just ended up telling them that is was “bad love” or something, in any rate it worked.
Oddly enough one of the girls that asked me was my yaoi porn loving roommate.
Japanese girls like boobs. I remember several times them grabbing or at least asking me and fellow Americans about them.
Well, that’s all the stories I’m willing to type for now. Maybe I’ll post some more at a later time (like after I actually write my Otakon report. Har.)
Just take comfort that most Japanese girls live up to all your wildest stereotypes.
Except, most of them hate or are indifferent to anime. Seriously, that’s for fucking nerds.
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