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Where's my Chink? (PART I)

I'm a Chinese girl. I'm a very, very bad Chinese girl. I'm pretty sure I don't mean that in the sexy, loli-porn fetish kind of way. Whenever I meet my relatives(which is fortunately, only once every couple of years), they think I am the downfall of the entire Chinese race and accompanying civilization. I don't play any instruments, I don't really speak Chinese, I'm definitely not majoring in a Math/Medicine/Science related field - and god forbid I date an American boy when I've never dated an asian boy, much less a Chinese one. Stereotypical, I know.

My great grandfathers were first generation immigrants to Malaysia, where my extended family now mainly exist. My family, including myself, are first generation immigrants to the United States. I've only lived in the United States for 6 years but I've apparently adapted pretty well, and in the process, become the root of all that is materialistic, imperialist America(note: America has actually never been an imperialist nation, but that's another rant). But really, I'd never really been a "good Chinese girl". I'm not even a good "American" Asian. I'm not involved in the Asian Student Association in my school, I don't have any close Asian friends and while I do drive a Toyota Corolla, the only thing I've ever added to it is brake fluid. I have no AZN PRYDE whatsoever, and while I'm not exactly ashamed of my heritage, I've never really been terribly interested in it.

Anyway, I decided recently that maybe I should start paying the same sort of attention to asian culture that the pasty white otaku boys do. It's pretty embarassing, after all, not not know this stuff. Over the next month or two, I will participate in "asian"-ish activities, attempt to speak chinese again, maybe learn some history, and do more trivial things like roll sushi(this is cheating a little, I already know how to do this), wear a cheongsam and only shop at asian markets. For the sake of things being a bit more interesting, I'm not limiting my experiences to Chinese-related ones, but a decent emphasis will most likely be put on the Chinese and Japanese cultures, just because that's what's most accessible to me.

My first goal of attending more asian related events happened to coincide with an OtakuBooty meetup. The Japan Girls Night Tour was coming by to LA at the King King, and a bunch of OB-ers, including myself, decided to check it out. Keep in mind, this is hardly a review of the night or of the concert - but if you're interested in the journey of a dimunitive Chinese girl slowly rediscovering her chinkiness -- read on!
A bunch of Otaku Booty-ers were going to the concert to see a band called The Pillows, who are apparently most well known for doing the theme song to FLCL. The wonderful nineballninja sent me a couple of their songs a few days prior, so I at least had a very vague idea who they were, but aside from that, I had no idea what I'd be listening to that night. I also brought my boyfriend with me, whose only induction into asian culture has been dating me.

We arrived a little into The Pillows' set, and I admit that I rather enjoyed their music. The boyfriend pointed out that they sounded like a Japanese version of Weezer, which the other OBers had already mentioned to me, so I nodded and said things like "Yes dear, that's the general consensus" in order to sound a little more knowledgable about things involving slanty eyed people. The Pillows were definitely one of my favourite bands of the night, and I think I'll have to try and track down their cds at some point. I think owning some music by a japanese band will increase my chink factor a bit. I'll try and obtain some korean pop too.

The Pillows were followed by a band called The Emeralds, which brought on one of my greatest revelations of the night. Anyone that knows me will tell you that I don't like Asian boys. I've never dated one, I've never found them attractive, they just don't appeal to me at all. This night, I learned that some of them can definitely be insanely HOT. As in smolderingly, stylishly, rockingly hot. From now on, if a Japanese boy wanders by wearing a leather jacket and a guitar, I will give him a second look. Probably a third and fourth and fifth as well.

Mind Blowing Revelation of the Night #1 - Asian men are capable of being incredibly attractive. I know a lot of you crazy women are all "What, you didn't know that???!!!" on me. Leave me alone, you rice queens.

Now, I'm going to side track a little from the music because the other bands all blended together for me after that. To quote an awesome man named Ryan that I finally met that night, the King King "is so chinked out." It really was. The entire room was a lot more red than any room had a right to be. There were large banners around the room with chinese characters and what I assume were their accompanying english translation that read "music", "love", "peace", "happiness." I could swear they also had a traditional painting pattern often done on wood beams wallpapered on unevenly in various places. In short, it looked like how I would imagine a chinese brothel to look. I almost expected the scent of opium to waft past at random intervals. Instead, I got the scent of sweaty-otaku-at-a-concert, which I suppose might be a pretty cultural thing too. I think just being in the place gave me a couple chink points. Or perhaps they were just wannabe chink points.

At some point during the night, I turned to my left and saw a large white man sinling along to the band - in Japanese. I knew I should have expected it, but I still found it somewhat surrreal.

I also thought that Japanese people not pronouncing their "r"'s and "l"'s well was just an urban legend, but apparently I just don't hear them speak enough.

Mind Blowing Revelation of the Night #2 - Broken english is funny and absolutely adorable to listen to.

The rest of the music during the night was alternately interesting, weird and incredibly cool. I fell in love with the girls from Titan Go Kings(see thumbnail), but quite possibly just because they had matching hats with poof balls on them. A band called Puppypet was also insanely cute(and apparently they were twins, for all you silly asian fetishists!). Go talk to the more knowledgable people in the Events thread of the Otaku Booty forums if you're incredibly interested in the bands.

One of the oddest things I discovered that night was that the majority of the female singers, had very high pitched, bordering on piercing and relatively screechy,voices. It BLEW my mind. How do real people sound like that? Crazy.

Mind Blowing Revelation of the Night #3 - Japanese women apparently really do sound like cartoon characters.

I also said a bunch of politically incorrect things about slanty eyed peoples, which earned some disapproving stares from my boyfriend, who is almost always more aware of where he is than I am. Apparently I can't say certain things about chinese people when there are other chinese people around. Now I know. Thanks, sweetie.

After meeting two incredibly cool women with amazing makeup skills (hello eileen and StColaPop from Otaku Booty), I also realised that I am utterly incapable of putting on eyeliner. Is eyeliner application an Asian girl trait? I think I'll try and learn it anyway. The boyfriend thought it wouldn't be a bad idea.

We left early because I was sleepy. I was starting to see in wide screen again.


I suppose the night was a relatively successful one in my journey of chinky self rediscovery. I did feel a little more asian watching cute Japanese girls and boys prance around on stage, but I think I still feel more at home watching alternative rock-ish college bands. At the same time, I learned that asian men can be incredibly, smolderingly hot, broken english is pretty fun to listen to and Japanese girls are more than capable of sounding like cartoons.

Next week, I think I'll try wearing a cheongsam and try out some odd and exotic foods from the Chinese Market(dried cuttlefish? I would try the deer penis, but it costs a lot of money). It may be a little too late in life to try the foot binding thing, but if anyone has an experimental baby lying around, I'll gladly recieve your reports.

With love,
Duck (now at least 15% chink after the concert - the 10% is due to genetic predispositions)

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