AliChat --- Lesson 3: How to Not Sound Creepy
This wasn't an article I thought I'd have to write, but man... you guys can be some creepy-ass fucks!
While, undoubtedly, this is intentional for some of you, I've compiled a list of the features most commonly abused by creepwads, and tried to explain how to use the feature without sounding like a creepface.
There are certainly some members that could never sound creepy if they tried ("Mr. Booty: some hot chick keeps sending me adult comments and it's making me uncomfortable!" is not a complaint I forsee John having to investigate), but come on... that's not you, and you know it.
So, you've got a profile. You have a picture up. Hopefully, neither one makes you look like a rapist. So what's next? You're off to view profiles, leave comments, write messages, and friend members! And let's not forget uploading noodie pics to share with your new friends!
But slow down! Before you run off and use (and/or abuse) all these features, let's run through what counts as appropriate usage of OB's features!
This one's pretty easy. Don't get worried about a big "your views of their profile : their views of your profile" ratio... but just try to keep it in the 100:1 range, okay?
This is where it starts getting tricky! You want to leave comments that are interesting and at least a little unique, but you don't want to sound like Mr. Creepy McCreepston in the process. Let's look at a few examples to try to get a feel for this:
"You seem interesting...": the default, and also one of the more dull ways to make a first impression. That doesn't mean the comment doesn't have its uses! I like giving it to members I've met in person, and who know very well that they are not interesting at all; they always get a kick out of my ironic use of the comment.
"You're hot!": Like all generic compliments, this one doesn't strike me as especially interesting and unique... unless, again, it's being used in an ironic fashion. Everyone gets a kick out of a joke at their own expense!
18+:"Let's get butt naked and fuck": Whoa, there! Before you go hitting up the 18+ comments, ask yourself: "Do I know this person? Do they know me? Would they know for sure whether or not I'm being serious here?" If the answer to any of these is "no," then you're probably in danger of sounding like a creepazoid.
References to licking, hitting, thwapping, touching, loving, and talking on instant messenger: While these aren't 18+, they may make the receiver a bit uncomfortable. Until you develop a pretty good rapport with someone, it's probably not a good idea to leave comments suggesting that you masturbate furiously to their posts and profile pictures.
"I think of you more than I think of dinosaurs!", "Will you help me build a unicycle?", "Would you transcend space and time with me?", etc.: What do these even mean? Do they mean anything? Should I leave these comments on profiles? The answer to the last question, at least, is a resounding YES. Unique, unoffensive, and absolutely ambiguous comments are the way to go! Save the ones that actually say things for when you actually know the person, and how they'll take the comment.
If there's a comment for the message you want to send ("I like your posts/pictures/profile/taste in anime"), then you really don't need to send a message. There's really not much that can be done with a random compliment, except reply with "thanks," and most people won't take the time to do that. (I don't.)
If you want to carry on a conversation via OB messages, you can try inducing a reply by asking a question. Fair warning, though: You better have some conversation skills if you're going to attempt this; it's no fun when someone I don't know expects me to carry the conversation they started.
OB messages are also not the place to send things that are too suggestive or inappropriate, especially to underage members. You can be reported, and Mr. Booty can access all messages sent by anyone, and you might be banned faster than you can write "wouldyou like to get together sometime so i can see if they taste as good as they look in the pics...let my mouth explore a lil as well for your pleasure:) let me know and i can giveyou my number".
AND BACK TO THE UNIMPORTANT BABBLE:
And one last thing: You know that place on some people's profiles, where their contact info ought to be, where it says: "If you'd like to be on _____'s Friend List, send them a message and tell them you'd like to be added!"?
Never, ever, do that.
I know what it says, but don't do it.
You see, with the advent of FOPs, asking to be added to someone's friends list is like asking to see them naked, and it smacks of creepiness. If you want to be added to someone's friends list, get to know them, and maybe they'll consider you a friend! If they don't add you, don't dwell on it. It really doesn't mean much of anything, anyway.
Your friends list is a list of your friends. If someone is not your friend (i.e. they are a total stranger and have no idea who you are), should they belong on your friends list? Probably not.
Friends Only Pics
It seems like a corollary to the above, but if someone isn't your friend, should they be seeing your friends only pics? Again, probably not. If someone wants to see naked pictures of total strangers, google image search is more than up to the task.
And there we go. Now go forth, and try not to exude creepiness. Perhaps even try reading and using the forums!
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