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AliChat -- Lesson 5: How to Turn it Around

So basically, you've ignored all of my suggestions so far and now everyone thinks you're a total gorg and never wants to associate with you in any way. With con season in full swing, and Bootycon on its way, you're suddenly wondering if you can undo the damage caused by your forum asshattery.
Fear not! Though you may not be able to make a second first impression, you can always take advantage of OB's goldfish-like memory and come back strong.
First, you're gonna need to be a better poster. No one's going to defend you with "but he's awesome in person!" until they actually meet you, and no one would want to meet the douchebag that's writing your posts. This vicious cycle can be broken, though, by simply stopping the suckage when it comes to the forums.

Step Zero: (This one is so important, it should come before the first thing you do.) Don't antagonize anyone. Anyone. It doesn't matter if it's Starfire, or me, Booty himself, or some stupid newbie. It doesn't matter if it's in Mad Kenji (aka Thunder Dome aka Cannibal Rapist Chat aka my sand-filled vagina), in some pm, or in OB chat. It doesn't matter if everyone else is doing it. Don't antagonize. You are not in a position to do this and come off looking good. In fact, you are unlikely to be able to do this and come off looking like anything besides a sleestaki sheep or an idiot n00b. So don't do it.
(Yes, there are some members who do this and do it well, but it's best to assume you're not them. In general, it's harder to dislike someone for being respectful than for being a total prick Even on OB.)

Step One: Lurk. It is never too late to do this. Educate yourself on what funny is in terms of OB, look at examples of behavior that are likely to get you added to blacklists and banished to freechat. Read the wiki to get a better understanding of the site and the people on it, and follow links to some of the more impressive and memorable posts on the forums. It can't hurt to know what "good" looks like.
There is a lot of material on OB. A lot. Before you go adding your pearls of mediocrity to otherwise good threads, take some time away from the "submit reply" button and get better acquainted with the rest of the site.

Step Two: Reinvent your account. Upload a new profile picture. Change your equipped item. Take advantage of the post search being a horrible, horrible failure. If you make an effort to distance yourself from your gorg-ish past, no one will bother digging it up without reason.
I'm also going to suggest just abandoning any intentional internet personas at this point, as they're generally a bad idea and some of the worst of OB's members have been advocates. You're on a nerd dating site. You don't need to make a conscious effort to look even worse.

Step Three: Think very, very hard before you post anything. If possible, wait a while between formulating a response and actually deciding if it's worth posting. In almost all cases, a good post now will still be a good post in a few hours or a few days. While time is a factor when it comes to genuine wit, you're not there yet, so just concentrate your time and effort on crafting replies that aren't stupid.

Step Four: Never take things personally. Getting defensive and throwing hissies on the forums will not look good for you. Ever. If you must even respond to insults, at least do it with a sense of good-natured humor. If you can't be smart and funny, don't post it. Go do something else.

So there you go. Exercise your judgement and humor, and by the time Bootycon rolls around, people won't be making a conscious effort to avoid you.
Unless, you know, you're just kind of hopeless, which I really wouldn't put past anyone with an OB account.

Stay tuned for the followup: How to Not Suck in Person.

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